How To Do Up Your Fly Without Looking Like A Pervert
January 31st, 2012POSTED BY - Riva P
The zipper is a marvellous invention when functioning properly. However, it can quickly become an instrument of embarrassment when gravity holds sway or when too many vodka tonics distracts you from the check list of must-do’s before leaving the men’s room.
Our friends at I Do Believe I Came With A Hat have provided us with this handy tutorial on what to do when you discover the barn door has been left open.
1. Do not panic. Someone who looks like the cat who got the crème brulée is only going to draw attention to themselves and thus the situation south of the equator. React quickly but steadily.
2. Pull your shirt or jacket down as surreptitiously as possible. Doing so will disguise the issue at hand (or at groin, as it were), much like the hired dates on professional sporting awards nights.
3. Obscure the area with an object if possible. Books, magazines, bags or human shields make excellent decoys.
4. Get it over with quickly as lingering in the area will appear as if you’re enjoying your own company a little too much and these kinds of things lead to arrests and rom-com movie scripts. Speaking of which, ensure that the zipper has clear passage otherwise you’ll be facing a whole “frank and beans” situation, which is far more difficult to explain in the emergency ward than a peek of one’s drawers to a passing lady.
5. Just keep walking. Like their namesake, flies are much harder to catch when in motion. Now buzz off!
